GETTING TO KNOW YOU > Part 4

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Here is news from Cath and Gary. Merci. Keep 'em coming folks.


CATH

I tip ... winners every Friday afternoon.

My team is ... the Swannies.

If I were an AFL player, I would play ... in and under, lead from the front, have good skills by foot, be the go-to girl, and be a ball magnet.

My autobiography would be called ... The First Woman Brownlow Medalist.

If I could live in any city in the world ... half-time Sydney, Paris, or Florence, and half-time where I live now, Jamberoo.

My dream job ... is what I do, writing, but maybe with better pay.

If I'm about to watch the footy on TV, I ... put on my tracky dacks, light the fire if it’s cold, rustle up some food and drink while listening to Gaz bark out the Swannies song over the footy preamble on TV.

The first thing I'll do when I wake up tomorrow morning is ... go back to sleep. (I wake early).

If I were a colour, I'd be ... the blue of a Ulysses Butterfly.

If I were invited to perform at the AFL Grand Final pre-show entertainment, I would ... be someone who could sing.


GARY

I tip ... therefore I am

My team is ... Swans.

If I were an AFL player, I would ... It’s a toss up between being the winner of the Coleman medal or being the guy running around with the two water bottles.

My autobiography would be called ...
1. I’ll get it right this time
2 .The Dyslexics Lament Found Has Been Cure

If I could live in any city in the world ... I would live in The Kimberley and visit Sydney.

My dream job ... painting and sculpting with huge sales

If I'm about to watch the footy on TV, I ... turn the telly on, grab a beer

The first thing I'll do when I wake up tomorrow morning is sing 'Oh wot a beautiful morning ...'

If I were a colour, I'd be ...a constructed colour. Do you know they never fade?

If I were invited to perform at the AFL Grand Final pre-show entertainment, I would ... have to question their judgment

and an added bonus from Gary ...

Favourite Footy Quote – Stephen Silvagni – ‘A big crowd here today, all genders are represented.

(You can find Gary here - ed)

TIGER DIARY 29.4.2011

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The Battle of the Cats

It's always hard to believe the first win of the year.
Para-visceral fears that next week the glory will be dashed.
All idyll germs of self belief shall wither back as soggy grist to the mill of sporting ridicule.
Yet hubris looms should another win dare suggest a streak ...

Neither of our Daniels (Jackson and Connors) are in the team to face the Lions.
Able was I, ere I saw elbow Mr Jackson.

TIGER DIARY 22.4.2011

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Peter Temple is what you get when your team pulls itself together.
Fitzroy had to move to Brissie to get him.
I wonder where we Tigers could go to and then who we might get?
I’m seeing a Black Hole and us getting Erich von Daniken.

(links added by ed. and, if you crave some footy chat, can I urge you more generally to John Harms' Footy Almanac ... it is a living national treasure.)

QUOTES of the Week (3)

‘Attitudes are a great thing to have 100 per cent of the time, so you've got to play the game with an intensity that is above the opposition and we didn't. It gets down to the intensity that you bring for 120 minutes, and we haven't played a 120-minute game yet.’
DEAN BAILEY. Poet, philosopher, Melbourne Coach. What the hell is going on down there in Demonland?

‘I don't drink a lot, but when I do I seem to consume too much.'
BRENT MALONEY.

‘Groins are feeling great.’
GARY ABLETT on One Week at a Time.

‘I understand our work environment is largely physical, but when the opportunity arises, like on an eight- or nine-day break, I think that an important part of being an Australian is to go out and socialise and have a few beers.’
JOBE WATSON. They do it in other countries too, Jobe.

BULLETIN > Week 3

make way

The AFL has been largely joyless this week.

It all began with Melbourne midfielder Brent Maloney being fined and stripped of his vice captaincy for late night amusements on Sunday. The first domino had been flicked. And the ones to follow were: Campbell Brown, scrubbed out for four and unrepentant; Jack Riewoldt fined for the one finger salute and a good dose of petulance; Port Adelaide youngster Hamish Hartlett, also fined for not meeting the standards of club rehabilitation, otherwise known as drinking. (Do they put these fines in a Monopoly style ‘Free Parking’ and hit the town on them at the end of the year?) Terry Wallace even suggested players should be banned from alcohol all season long. Then, we had the criticism of Andrew Krakouer for the handcuff salute and the admonishment of Gary Ablett for being in Melbourne or Sydney or the Gold Coast.

Last week, the Grand Poobah of footy, Andrew Demetriou, celebrated his 50th birthday. When asked whether we sometimes take the game and its peripheral events too seriously, he replied, ‘Absolutely. Sometimes we should sit back and smell the roses and think of how lucky we are to be involved in such a wonderful game.’

* * *

On Tuesday night, I had to go to drinks. I’m not much of a weeknights girl , but the event was a meet-and-greet between the editors and contributors of the upcoming uni anthology in which I have a story and I felt some strange obligation to show up and identify some faces before the launch at the Writer’s Festival. I didn’t know anyone on the list. I headed into the Loft on Broadway, saw the function sign pointing me up the stairs, clopped reluctantly up and accepted the name tag I was given.

They knew how to keep tabs on alcohol at this event, each guest being administered a raffle ticket to be redeemed at the bar for house red or house white. (Why don’t the AFL give each player a raffle ticket at the end of the post game recovery and send them out for the night?)

I stood at the bar with a girl who had a similar name tag in her hand, a poet with long red/blonde hair organised over a single shoulder. I introduced myself, looking down at my name tag for reassurance. We noticed that our name tags had alternate names on the back and laughed at the possibility of choice. I could be a double-barrelled boy for the night – let’s call him J D-H. I took my house red and looked around. A few senior lecturers I knew. Otherwise a room of unfamiliar faces. The red was rough. The night was about to get ugly.

Then, I saw him. Curly hair, bright eyes. I knew that face. But I couldn’t immediately say from where.

‘You follow the Swans don’t you?’ The words were out of my mouth before I could second guess them. He looked stunned.
‘How did you know?’
‘I sit three rows behind you at the SCG.’
‘No way.’
‘Yes. You’re the guy who stands and screams when I do.’
‘The crazy guy?’
‘We’ve been saying how great you are for years.’
‘I’m J,’ he said.
And I realised it was his name on the back of my name tag.
‘I’m you,’ I laughed.
And he too looked. And he was me.

This guy sits in front of us at the SCG. He is young, wears a tight, older style Swans jacket and starts every game with intensity steaming out his ears. He is vocal, unafraid of attention, but not overly demonstrative either. Driven by pure feeling. He folds with the losses and stands to the wins. He is often accompanied by his Mum and sometimes by a calm and tolerant girlfriend, who sits peacefully through it all, occasionally reassuring him with an arm around his shoulder. And we have admired him for years.

‘Were you there at- ,’ I asked.
‘Yes and are you going on-‘
‘Where’s your girlfriend, we haven’t seen her in a- ’
‘She’s over there, that’s her.’
‘Oh great. We were worried that- ’
‘We’re engaged.’
‘Fantastic.’
‘You know ... I’m feeling, I mean I don’t like to go too early but-‘
‘It’s early days, J.’
‘I’m thinking top 4.’
‘It is feeling a lot like-’
‘2005.’

We were finishing each other’s sentences.

We talked about the team, the structure, the mix of old and new, the half back line, the kids and Goodes. We talked about the losing grand final which we both attended, about Clarendon Street and walking Melbourne in the red and the white. We shared our inductions: his father and St Kilda, a history with soccer, an early flirtation with the Tigers; my one night out to a match with Patrick and an accidental love that was in its twelfth year. We talked about the live experience versus the television coverage, about off-the-ball artistry and footy-related painting, about poetry and membership years and club functions and foot skills and how to bend his Honours Thesis to include the great game. The rest of the room had disappeared into the blur of shifted focus. Why were we here again?

Speeches were made and backs were patted. People took photos on phones. I found my editor and shared a chat and the bottom of my glass with him. I admired the cover design of the book. Someone offered me a second raffle ticket and even went downstairs to collect on my behalf. Second red in hand, I returned to the field with J.

I rarely meet anyone who does not consider me unhinged for being able to talk footy to the lengths and depths that I will. Perception can be cruel. But here he was. And he could give as good as he got. And thus, joyously, a potentially spare literary affair turned into a hearty connection and it was thanks to footy and the O’Reilly stand, rows S to U.

There was still $17 left on the bar, but I knew it was time to go. I understand the responsibilities I have to my rehabilitation. The six o’clock wake up. The long school holiday day ahead. I am committed to meeting the expectations of my club. I kissed both J and his girl and we promised each other a beer this Saturday. I think I skipped part of the way to the car.

* * *

Before a packed media room, Jack Riewoldt sat down to humble pie this week. His defence of his behaviour centred around the fact that he is a very emotional guy.

'It can be taken as a great passion and it's something where I love my teammates, I love this club and I love what it represents. I've got to be careful, and I'm working hard on how I'm portrayed by the media because perception is reality these days in AFL footy.'

Happy Tipping!

GETTING TO KNOW YOU > Part 3

Father James (of the non-religious variety) and 7 year old son, Byron, report in about themselves. Merci.

BYRON

I tip ... because I want to be on the top of the ladder.

My team is ... Sydney Swans.

If I were an AFL player, I would play ... full forward.

My autobiography would be called ... Byron's History Book.

If I could live in any city in the world ... I would live in Byron Bay.

My dream job ... is to play AFL.

If I'm about to watch the footy on TV, I ... don't know

The first thing I'll do when I wake up tomorrow morning is ... watch World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE).

If I were a colour, I'd be ... Red & White.

If I were invited to perform at the AFL Grand Final pre-show entertainment, I would ... play the drums.

JAMES

I tip ... despite being aware of what a waste of time it is.

My team is ... Sydney.

If I were an AFL player, I would play ... on the ball.

My autobiography would be called ... Variations On a Theme.

If I could live in any city ... I wouldn't. I'd live in the country.

My dream job ... to make the films I want to make and the gardens I want to design.

If I'm about to watch the footy on TV, I ... make a nice cup of tea.

The first thing I'll do when I wake up tomorrow morning is ... work on my screenplay about Luigi Maria D'Albertis, the Italian scoundrel who explored New Guinea in the 1870's.

If I were a colour ... I'd be jungle green.

If I were invited to perform ... I'd ask why.

TIGER DIARY 15.4.2011

So it has come to this.

Once again I have tipped The Tigers.

The Tigers, with a winning margin of -45.

The site seems to have accepted a negative number!

It is time for the Richmond world to call a spade a splade.

BULLETIN > Week 2

Here we go ...

Two weeks of football means we’ve got averages. Players do, tipsters do, coaches do and, more generally, lovers of the game do. There are comparisons to work with.

Some supporters found solace last weekend in a better performance. Some felt disappointment after a bright start. And the Suns supporters consoled themselves with the fact that they still have the chance to get a better average this weekend. With two weeks under our belt in Season 2011, we are officially back on the bike. The wheels are turning.

And now that we have a season, we can begin comparisons with the seasons which have gone before. Comparative beasts aren’t we? Perhaps it’s all about finding a handrail in life. Or is it a habit we have developed to keep the apparently repetitive, cyclical nature of a footy season – and therefore life – interesting?

Luckily footy, at least, is constantly re-inventing its wheel. There are some obvious changes in Season 2011:

The SUB
It felt a little like watching a pair of caged bear in a third world zoo on the weekend, as Nathan Lovett Murray and Brett Meredith stalked the boundary line for three long quarters. But the subs have proven themselves as an excellent water-cooler topic. Milburn, Macaffer, Petterd and Krakouer all picked up excellent numbers or kicked match turning goals in a single quarter of footy. The accompanying term – ‘activating the sub’ – is already a favourite of mine. The question of the ‘versatile ruck’ will go on and on. And the effects of mass cramping add a certain tension to the final ten minutes of matches.

The PRESS
The customary mimic of the reigning premiers is on and the terminology is stunning! The Bloody flood and Clarko’s Cluster (Hawthorn’s deep defensive rolling zone) have been replaced by … 'the press', and more specifically, 'the half ground press.' Oh happy, happy me.

Technically, the press is defined as the structure set up by the attacking midfielders and forwards, inside the arc of their forward 50, designed to keep the ball inside their scoring zone. The attacking side’s six defenders will press-up high - usually four around the forward 60 mark, and the other two back around the centre circle, meaning 16 players are inside 60. Got to go over or around them.

The ensuing congestion has meant that defenders with a long accurate kick are gold. And I for one love half backs and kick-in specialists. And another positive fall-out of ‘the press’ is the countering terminology – ‘neutralising forward pressure.’ Love it, love it, love it. I’ve already used it in a sentence at the Year 1 Easter Bonnet Parade today.

Scott Pendlebury’s HAIR
Enough said.

In addition to these easily perceptible changes, there are the subtle shifts to which only the highly trained eye and mind affix. Only experience makes them evident. On Australia Day this year, I sat in a local police station making a statement (victim, I assure you, rather than perpetrator). The Senior Constable one-finger typed my statement while simultaneously fielding repeated calls about stolen property. I sympathised with him.

‘It’s going to be a Stolen Goods kind of year,’ he intuited. ‘Last year was a break-and-enter year.’
You get a feel for these things. And a football season is no different.

PREMIERSHIP
There has been early, unseasonal use of the ‘P’ word. It started with Rocket Eade blasting the Bombers into Premiership contention after the Dogs’ heavy loss in Round 1. This week Melbourne skipper Brad Green looked into the glass and saw Hawthorn challenging for the flag. Cat, Matthew Stokes is even claiming Premiership status for his own team. It seems unnatural for such predictions to be flying around unchecked at this time of year. Whatever happened to one week at a time?

PRAISE
In previous seasons, clubs have worked hard to maintain an equilibrium between self belief and healthy respect for the opposition. But this week, a mere two rounds in, we’re facing a ‘love-in’. Pie skipper, Maxwell, is calling the Blues ‘very, very good’; Bailey is calling the Hawks ‘very very good’; McKenna’s calling the prospect of the Bulldogs ‘frightening’; Goodes is hailing Naitanui. Only James Hird is sticking to his guns and assuring us that Sydney’s four-goal-come-from-behind win was simply the loss that was due for his men.

High praise for the opposition may be a handy excuse for a sub-par performance. But I suspect the shift is a clear tick for the Tip Mistress’ favourite football phenomenon – the JU-JU. Killing the opposition with kindness. It certainly worked on the Bombers, despite Hird’s assurances. The game's gone all offensive.

UNPREDICTABILITY
Teams are looking for a sly way in. Richmond’s medicos took Jack Riewoldt down the rooms in the first five minutes of last Friday night’s match and worsened any head injury he had suffered, ensuring he would wear the red vest for the remainder of the night. Richmond had ten goal kickers. Collingwood is averaging 12 goal kickers a game. Major injuries to Mark LeCras, Lenny Hayes and Jonathan Brown are all suspect. Jude Bolton, the veteran hospital on-baller, is the leading goal scorer for the Swans.

The CHAOS BALL
… formerly known as the loose ball.

The DRAW
It has been 100 years since the game had a draw in Round 1 and Round 2.

Mick Malthouse doesn't believe ‘anyone's over the rusty part of the year’ after two rounds. I suspect he’s right. I’m certainly only warming up. It won’t be until three rounds in that we can iron out the anomalies. One good one, one bad one, what will the third be? One draw, one close one, can we get a rout? Dream team prices go up or down after week 3. Fits and starts are over.

Happy tipping!


Bits 'N' Bobs
My video of the week.
My written word of the week.
My favourite, Bob Murphy, is back.

QUOTES of the Week (2)

‘It doesn’t look very good at all. We will assess and really responsibly inform the market as soon as we can. There’s nothing to hide here.’
St Kilda coach ROSS LYON on Lenny Hayes’ knee injury. Are we the market??

'You tear it or you don’t tear it. It’s as simple as that.’
BRENDON GODDARD on Lenny Hayes’ knee injury.

'It sort of came back behind me and I wasn't expecting it I suppose, because normally it just bounces straight on. But the bounce of the ball goes every way. It's an oval ball, so you can't really predict where it's going to bounce. That's just the game of football and unfortunately it did bounce the wrong way.’
BRENT STANTON on the bounce that kept the Swans alive.

‘We trust these guys to be 24-hours-a-day footballers.’
JARRAD McVEIGH on what it means to be a Blood.

'We had a fairly spirited meeting on Monday with the players and they showed a fair bit of passion and discussion, which was great.'
RODNEY EADE. I tried to show discussion at uni this week.

‘A routine is not a routine if you have to think about it.’
DENNIS COMETTI on Nick Riewoldt's difficulties with shooting for goal.

‘They’re old, they’re slow, they’re blind, they’re everything.’
SWANS SUPPORTER, Row L, Aisle 132, ANZ Stadium. That was before the big comeback.

'I've got to get back to basics, win my own football and take it from there.'
JARRAD HARBROW after the big loss to Carlton. He’s a week late, but he’s going back to basics.

and the piece de resistance ...

‘Rome wasn't built in a day and, as I said to Bluey (McKenna) on the Sunday, you've got to crawl before you walk. He understands that. The darkest time of night is just before dawn and he'll get them up and they will be a good football side.’
MICK MALTHOUSE on his phone call to Bluey post slaughter.

TIGER DIARY 8.4.2011

The Tiger in his skin.

There must be a word for when you become a consumer of your club's merch', no? Kate (the Tiger's understanding partner - ed) ordered it for me. So delightfully sad that this is the best we've got to shout about. It's got all the players' signatures, the score, the date - everything ... even the VFL logo.

The Diary

Weeks like this are like living in a moonstone - quite pretty, but hard to see where you're going.

Match day is a half moon waxing.

The tide is coming up.

A tiger in the pipeline with a clear view out the barrel?

A tiger in a runabout with a shattered windscreen, prawning?

* * *

One of the Tiger's cubs, George (a confirmed Swan) also sent me this alternate Richmond song during the week. After all his father has done for him ...