In other news ... Now I know I’m no Mrs Selwood, but on Saturday afternoon, I made the first of many small contributions towards nurturing the next generation of footy appreciation. Patrick and I took the Eaglet to the footy for the first ever Saturday afternoon game in Sydney, his second full game ever. Highlights: hot chips with tomato sauce + kick to kick. Look at that loose ball get, the composure, the kick! Hope Stuey Maxfield (Swans development) was watching!
As for the bulletin …
In one of his many self-defences this week, Terry Wallace remarked: ‘I could understand the supporters having 400 questions, as we (coaches) have 400 questions, because everyone looks to the senior coach for all the answers.’
Terry’s had a rotten week. So, in the spirit of ensuring Terry is right about SOMETHING, here are my 400 questions:
1. Why don’t I have a senior coach who will know the answers to any of my 400 questions?
2. Where can I find one?
3. Do I have to play ball to get one?
4. Does Terry Wallace still want us to judge the Tigers ‘after four rounds’?
5. Did some of Gary Ablett’s fellow elite midfielders feel like any of his 46 possessions were ‘theirs’?
6. Will patterns prevail and the Magpies lose the Anzac Day clash with their win/loss record now at L.W.L.W.?
7. Will the Eagles lose theirs, in Tasmania, and the Swans theirs, in the West, for the same pattern?
8. What about the Crows and Lions on W.L.W.L.?
9. Are the Lions headed for a win at the Cattery?
10. Does Michael Voss still like coaching now that both his ruckmen are gone for up to 6 weeks?
11. Did you know you can sponsor a Brisbane Lions player, just like a lion cub at the zoo?
12. Is Gary Ablett as absurdly modest as he appears or just very well drilled?
13. Is it possible that an AFL player would attend an on-field post match interview or a press conference and say ‘I want to be a star’?
14. Is that why (ex)Sydney’s Nick Davis is currently showing the American Football League how far he can kick a ball?
15. Will Omar ever support the Swans?
16. Why did he ask me to look up the Carlton club song on the internet before we headed out to the game on Saturday afternoon?
17. How long can he maintain the charade?
18. What’s the best way to handle his contrariness on this front?
19. Blatant bribery with promises of merchandise and fast food?
20. Or, like most other things with four year olds, ignore it?
21. How many drinks will be ok at the Sydney Swans Ladies’ Lunch?
22. Could I convince Myles Baron Hay to permanently adopt last week’s heritage sash Guernsey? Those boys looked ‘fly’!
23. Can Western Sydney truly go ahead?
24. Can you bet on it at Sportsbet?
25. Should I put a cool $100 on it failing?
26. Has Terry Wallace invested his $900 stimulus wisely?
27. How can Catherine T, who could not even tell you what a ruck contest is, be so far up the tipping ladder?
28. Could I get a gig as a boundary rider?
29. Would a greasy breakfast in Launceston this weekend help the Hawks’ Premiership hangover?
30. Should Richmond cancel their Home Hardware Player of the Year competition?
31. Is there ANYTHING that would stop the Bloods getting a win for Captain Kirk’s 200th game?
32. Did any of the Swans supporters notice that the question about the Swans #31 was coincidentally in the question 31 position?
33. How many boys, like cygnet Kristin Thornton, have kicked a goal with their first kick in League footy?
34. Have the North Melbourne players found themselves a new motivational mascot yet?
35. What is Saint Justin Koschitzke’s record number of consecutive games without injury?
36. ‘Unless he is struck down by some mystery virus, Terry will be coaching on Saturday night.’ said Tigers President, Gary March, during the week. What virus could the Tigers’ board inflict on Terry Wallace by Saturday night?
37. ‘Belief comes to its crescendo when wins become continual.’ - Is Demons coach Dean Bailey enlightened?
38. Has he written a book of maxims?
39. Haikus?
40. How is Andrew Demetriou going with Israel Folau’s management?
41. Could my bulletinesque faith in Brent Harvey have had anything to do with his 33 disposals last weekend?
42. After the win at the SCG on Saturday, is my Lucky Tony Lockett’s power restricted to home games?
43. Should I bother wearing it through a telecast?
44. How do you clean brass?
45. Or is it copper?
46. Will Chris Judd be unofficially sanctioned after his Monday evening comments on ‘One Week at a Time’ about not being keen to go to the Gold Coast or Western Sydney to play?
47. Should we be watching the free kicks against the Carlton skipper this weekend?
48. Why did I have to listen to him speak?
49. Aren’t some people just far more attractive before you hear their voices?
50. What is the collective noun for Demons?
51. And Dockers?
52. Which club would Matthew Pavlich go to when, sorry if, he jumps ship?
53. Will it finally be Sharolyn’s year?
54. Will all the tipsters be paid up by Round 6?
55. Am I just as bad as Fraser Gehrig?
56. Tony Lockett?
57. Have I tipped one season too long?
58. Who will Mr and Mrs Selwood barrack for at Skilled Stadium this weekend – Joel or Troy?
59. Has Terry Wallace been cutting letters out of newspaper headlines, arranging and gluing them and sending them to Dennis Pagan?
60. Has Mark Harvey written Terry Wallace a sympathy card?
61. Has Mark Harvey written Terry Wallace a Thank You card?
62. Will Travis still talk to me after the beat up I’ve been giving the Dockers?
63. What do the umps listen to on their ipods before a game?
64. The Collingwood theme song?
65. How many grounds will fly the footies in by helicopter this Anzac Day weekend?
66. Has anyone else noticed that the Footy Record’s official AFL fixture uses (D) for Docklands to describe my favourite - Etihad Stadium?
67. Does anyone else ever look at the official AFL fixture during the week?
68. Do players get to chose which colour Powerade they drink after the game?
69. What could Terry ‘the fox’ ‘the plough’ Wallace do after coaching?
70. Tiger taming?
71. Did Richard, George (and family) make it off Lord Howe Island before the winds came?
72. Has Terry Wallace considered retirement on Lord Howe Island?
73. Has Dennis Cometti thought of the ‘loading zone’ pun yet?
74. Can’t the umpires understand that a little reckless contact from players is considered desirable by at least half of the footy watching public?
75. Would anyone take me seriously if I said I wanted MY nickname to be ‘Razzle’ like Brisbane’s Bradd Dalziell?
76. And what’s with the double ‘d’ in Bradd?
77. Will anyone go with me on an emotional win for the Blues this weekend, with their President on his last gasps?
78. Is everyone aware that Rebel Sports is giving away a free Tigers Bronze Membership to the first 200 customers who buy a Richmond Guernsey?
79. Is that the first step of the plan for the massive surplus of jumpers Punt Rd stitched together in the pre-season?
80. How many have the number 32 on them?
81. What is the significance of whether Gary Ablett Jnr is as good as Gary Ablett Snr?
82. Is chemotherapy Gary Ablett Jnr’s secret weapon?
83. Does Michael Voss really have access to kryptonite?
84. What are Terry’s 400 questions?
85. Is it true that the more you know the less you know?
86. Is that why I have more questions than answers?
87. Terry, can you help me?
Hmm. It looks like Terry has wildly overestimated another thing, ‘cause I don’t have 400 questions.
Happy tipping!
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