GETTING TO KNOW YOU > Part 4

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Here is news from Cath and Gary. Merci. Keep 'em coming folks.


CATH

I tip ... winners every Friday afternoon.

My team is ... the Swannies.

If I were an AFL player, I would play ... in and under, lead from the front, have good skills by foot, be the go-to girl, and be a ball magnet.

My autobiography would be called ... The First Woman Brownlow Medalist.

If I could live in any city in the world ... half-time Sydney, Paris, or Florence, and half-time where I live now, Jamberoo.

My dream job ... is what I do, writing, but maybe with better pay.

If I'm about to watch the footy on TV, I ... put on my tracky dacks, light the fire if it’s cold, rustle up some food and drink while listening to Gaz bark out the Swannies song over the footy preamble on TV.

The first thing I'll do when I wake up tomorrow morning is ... go back to sleep. (I wake early).

If I were a colour, I'd be ... the blue of a Ulysses Butterfly.

If I were invited to perform at the AFL Grand Final pre-show entertainment, I would ... be someone who could sing.


GARY

I tip ... therefore I am

My team is ... Swans.

If I were an AFL player, I would ... It’s a toss up between being the winner of the Coleman medal or being the guy running around with the two water bottles.

My autobiography would be called ...
1. I’ll get it right this time
2 .The Dyslexics Lament Found Has Been Cure

If I could live in any city in the world ... I would live in The Kimberley and visit Sydney.

My dream job ... painting and sculpting with huge sales

If I'm about to watch the footy on TV, I ... turn the telly on, grab a beer

The first thing I'll do when I wake up tomorrow morning is sing 'Oh wot a beautiful morning ...'

If I were a colour, I'd be ...a constructed colour. Do you know they never fade?

If I were invited to perform at the AFL Grand Final pre-show entertainment, I would ... have to question their judgment

and an added bonus from Gary ...

Favourite Footy Quote – Stephen Silvagni – ‘A big crowd here today, all genders are represented.

(You can find Gary here - ed)

TIGER DIARY 29.4.2011

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The Battle of the Cats

It's always hard to believe the first win of the year.
Para-visceral fears that next week the glory will be dashed.
All idyll germs of self belief shall wither back as soggy grist to the mill of sporting ridicule.
Yet hubris looms should another win dare suggest a streak ...

Neither of our Daniels (Jackson and Connors) are in the team to face the Lions.
Able was I, ere I saw elbow Mr Jackson.

TIGER DIARY 22.4.2011

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Peter Temple is what you get when your team pulls itself together.
Fitzroy had to move to Brissie to get him.
I wonder where we Tigers could go to and then who we might get?
I’m seeing a Black Hole and us getting Erich von Daniken.

(links added by ed. and, if you crave some footy chat, can I urge you more generally to John Harms' Footy Almanac ... it is a living national treasure.)

QUOTES of the Week (3)

‘Attitudes are a great thing to have 100 per cent of the time, so you've got to play the game with an intensity that is above the opposition and we didn't. It gets down to the intensity that you bring for 120 minutes, and we haven't played a 120-minute game yet.’
DEAN BAILEY. Poet, philosopher, Melbourne Coach. What the hell is going on down there in Demonland?

‘I don't drink a lot, but when I do I seem to consume too much.'
BRENT MALONEY.

‘Groins are feeling great.’
GARY ABLETT on One Week at a Time.

‘I understand our work environment is largely physical, but when the opportunity arises, like on an eight- or nine-day break, I think that an important part of being an Australian is to go out and socialise and have a few beers.’
JOBE WATSON. They do it in other countries too, Jobe.

BULLETIN > Week 3

make way

The AFL has been largely joyless this week.

It all began with Melbourne midfielder Brent Maloney being fined and stripped of his vice captaincy for late night amusements on Sunday. The first domino had been flicked. And the ones to follow were: Campbell Brown, scrubbed out for four and unrepentant; Jack Riewoldt fined for the one finger salute and a good dose of petulance; Port Adelaide youngster Hamish Hartlett, also fined for not meeting the standards of club rehabilitation, otherwise known as drinking. (Do they put these fines in a Monopoly style ‘Free Parking’ and hit the town on them at the end of the year?) Terry Wallace even suggested players should be banned from alcohol all season long. Then, we had the criticism of Andrew Krakouer for the handcuff salute and the admonishment of Gary Ablett for being in Melbourne or Sydney or the Gold Coast.

Last week, the Grand Poobah of footy, Andrew Demetriou, celebrated his 50th birthday. When asked whether we sometimes take the game and its peripheral events too seriously, he replied, ‘Absolutely. Sometimes we should sit back and smell the roses and think of how lucky we are to be involved in such a wonderful game.’

* * *

On Tuesday night, I had to go to drinks. I’m not much of a weeknights girl , but the event was a meet-and-greet between the editors and contributors of the upcoming uni anthology in which I have a story and I felt some strange obligation to show up and identify some faces before the launch at the Writer’s Festival. I didn’t know anyone on the list. I headed into the Loft on Broadway, saw the function sign pointing me up the stairs, clopped reluctantly up and accepted the name tag I was given.

They knew how to keep tabs on alcohol at this event, each guest being administered a raffle ticket to be redeemed at the bar for house red or house white. (Why don’t the AFL give each player a raffle ticket at the end of the post game recovery and send them out for the night?)

I stood at the bar with a girl who had a similar name tag in her hand, a poet with long red/blonde hair organised over a single shoulder. I introduced myself, looking down at my name tag for reassurance. We noticed that our name tags had alternate names on the back and laughed at the possibility of choice. I could be a double-barrelled boy for the night – let’s call him J D-H. I took my house red and looked around. A few senior lecturers I knew. Otherwise a room of unfamiliar faces. The red was rough. The night was about to get ugly.

Then, I saw him. Curly hair, bright eyes. I knew that face. But I couldn’t immediately say from where.

‘You follow the Swans don’t you?’ The words were out of my mouth before I could second guess them. He looked stunned.
‘How did you know?’
‘I sit three rows behind you at the SCG.’
‘No way.’
‘Yes. You’re the guy who stands and screams when I do.’
‘The crazy guy?’
‘We’ve been saying how great you are for years.’
‘I’m J,’ he said.
And I realised it was his name on the back of my name tag.
‘I’m you,’ I laughed.
And he too looked. And he was me.

This guy sits in front of us at the SCG. He is young, wears a tight, older style Swans jacket and starts every game with intensity steaming out his ears. He is vocal, unafraid of attention, but not overly demonstrative either. Driven by pure feeling. He folds with the losses and stands to the wins. He is often accompanied by his Mum and sometimes by a calm and tolerant girlfriend, who sits peacefully through it all, occasionally reassuring him with an arm around his shoulder. And we have admired him for years.

‘Were you there at- ,’ I asked.
‘Yes and are you going on-‘
‘Where’s your girlfriend, we haven’t seen her in a- ’
‘She’s over there, that’s her.’
‘Oh great. We were worried that- ’
‘We’re engaged.’
‘Fantastic.’
‘You know ... I’m feeling, I mean I don’t like to go too early but-‘
‘It’s early days, J.’
‘I’m thinking top 4.’
‘It is feeling a lot like-’
‘2005.’

We were finishing each other’s sentences.

We talked about the team, the structure, the mix of old and new, the half back line, the kids and Goodes. We talked about the losing grand final which we both attended, about Clarendon Street and walking Melbourne in the red and the white. We shared our inductions: his father and St Kilda, a history with soccer, an early flirtation with the Tigers; my one night out to a match with Patrick and an accidental love that was in its twelfth year. We talked about the live experience versus the television coverage, about off-the-ball artistry and footy-related painting, about poetry and membership years and club functions and foot skills and how to bend his Honours Thesis to include the great game. The rest of the room had disappeared into the blur of shifted focus. Why were we here again?

Speeches were made and backs were patted. People took photos on phones. I found my editor and shared a chat and the bottom of my glass with him. I admired the cover design of the book. Someone offered me a second raffle ticket and even went downstairs to collect on my behalf. Second red in hand, I returned to the field with J.

I rarely meet anyone who does not consider me unhinged for being able to talk footy to the lengths and depths that I will. Perception can be cruel. But here he was. And he could give as good as he got. And thus, joyously, a potentially spare literary affair turned into a hearty connection and it was thanks to footy and the O’Reilly stand, rows S to U.

There was still $17 left on the bar, but I knew it was time to go. I understand the responsibilities I have to my rehabilitation. The six o’clock wake up. The long school holiday day ahead. I am committed to meeting the expectations of my club. I kissed both J and his girl and we promised each other a beer this Saturday. I think I skipped part of the way to the car.

* * *

Before a packed media room, Jack Riewoldt sat down to humble pie this week. His defence of his behaviour centred around the fact that he is a very emotional guy.

'It can be taken as a great passion and it's something where I love my teammates, I love this club and I love what it represents. I've got to be careful, and I'm working hard on how I'm portrayed by the media because perception is reality these days in AFL footy.'

Happy Tipping!

GETTING TO KNOW YOU > Part 3

Father James (of the non-religious variety) and 7 year old son, Byron, report in about themselves. Merci.

BYRON

I tip ... because I want to be on the top of the ladder.

My team is ... Sydney Swans.

If I were an AFL player, I would play ... full forward.

My autobiography would be called ... Byron's History Book.

If I could live in any city in the world ... I would live in Byron Bay.

My dream job ... is to play AFL.

If I'm about to watch the footy on TV, I ... don't know

The first thing I'll do when I wake up tomorrow morning is ... watch World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE).

If I were a colour, I'd be ... Red & White.

If I were invited to perform at the AFL Grand Final pre-show entertainment, I would ... play the drums.

JAMES

I tip ... despite being aware of what a waste of time it is.

My team is ... Sydney.

If I were an AFL player, I would play ... on the ball.

My autobiography would be called ... Variations On a Theme.

If I could live in any city ... I wouldn't. I'd live in the country.

My dream job ... to make the films I want to make and the gardens I want to design.

If I'm about to watch the footy on TV, I ... make a nice cup of tea.

The first thing I'll do when I wake up tomorrow morning is ... work on my screenplay about Luigi Maria D'Albertis, the Italian scoundrel who explored New Guinea in the 1870's.

If I were a colour ... I'd be jungle green.

If I were invited to perform ... I'd ask why.

TIGER DIARY 15.4.2011

So it has come to this.

Once again I have tipped The Tigers.

The Tigers, with a winning margin of -45.

The site seems to have accepted a negative number!

It is time for the Richmond world to call a spade a splade.

BULLETIN > Week 2

Here we go ...

Two weeks of football means we’ve got averages. Players do, tipsters do, coaches do and, more generally, lovers of the game do. There are comparisons to work with.

Some supporters found solace last weekend in a better performance. Some felt disappointment after a bright start. And the Suns supporters consoled themselves with the fact that they still have the chance to get a better average this weekend. With two weeks under our belt in Season 2011, we are officially back on the bike. The wheels are turning.

And now that we have a season, we can begin comparisons with the seasons which have gone before. Comparative beasts aren’t we? Perhaps it’s all about finding a handrail in life. Or is it a habit we have developed to keep the apparently repetitive, cyclical nature of a footy season – and therefore life – interesting?

Luckily footy, at least, is constantly re-inventing its wheel. There are some obvious changes in Season 2011:

The SUB
It felt a little like watching a pair of caged bear in a third world zoo on the weekend, as Nathan Lovett Murray and Brett Meredith stalked the boundary line for three long quarters. But the subs have proven themselves as an excellent water-cooler topic. Milburn, Macaffer, Petterd and Krakouer all picked up excellent numbers or kicked match turning goals in a single quarter of footy. The accompanying term – ‘activating the sub’ – is already a favourite of mine. The question of the ‘versatile ruck’ will go on and on. And the effects of mass cramping add a certain tension to the final ten minutes of matches.

The PRESS
The customary mimic of the reigning premiers is on and the terminology is stunning! The Bloody flood and Clarko’s Cluster (Hawthorn’s deep defensive rolling zone) have been replaced by … 'the press', and more specifically, 'the half ground press.' Oh happy, happy me.

Technically, the press is defined as the structure set up by the attacking midfielders and forwards, inside the arc of their forward 50, designed to keep the ball inside their scoring zone. The attacking side’s six defenders will press-up high - usually four around the forward 60 mark, and the other two back around the centre circle, meaning 16 players are inside 60. Got to go over or around them.

The ensuing congestion has meant that defenders with a long accurate kick are gold. And I for one love half backs and kick-in specialists. And another positive fall-out of ‘the press’ is the countering terminology – ‘neutralising forward pressure.’ Love it, love it, love it. I’ve already used it in a sentence at the Year 1 Easter Bonnet Parade today.

Scott Pendlebury’s HAIR
Enough said.

In addition to these easily perceptible changes, there are the subtle shifts to which only the highly trained eye and mind affix. Only experience makes them evident. On Australia Day this year, I sat in a local police station making a statement (victim, I assure you, rather than perpetrator). The Senior Constable one-finger typed my statement while simultaneously fielding repeated calls about stolen property. I sympathised with him.

‘It’s going to be a Stolen Goods kind of year,’ he intuited. ‘Last year was a break-and-enter year.’
You get a feel for these things. And a football season is no different.

PREMIERSHIP
There has been early, unseasonal use of the ‘P’ word. It started with Rocket Eade blasting the Bombers into Premiership contention after the Dogs’ heavy loss in Round 1. This week Melbourne skipper Brad Green looked into the glass and saw Hawthorn challenging for the flag. Cat, Matthew Stokes is even claiming Premiership status for his own team. It seems unnatural for such predictions to be flying around unchecked at this time of year. Whatever happened to one week at a time?

PRAISE
In previous seasons, clubs have worked hard to maintain an equilibrium between self belief and healthy respect for the opposition. But this week, a mere two rounds in, we’re facing a ‘love-in’. Pie skipper, Maxwell, is calling the Blues ‘very, very good’; Bailey is calling the Hawks ‘very very good’; McKenna’s calling the prospect of the Bulldogs ‘frightening’; Goodes is hailing Naitanui. Only James Hird is sticking to his guns and assuring us that Sydney’s four-goal-come-from-behind win was simply the loss that was due for his men.

High praise for the opposition may be a handy excuse for a sub-par performance. But I suspect the shift is a clear tick for the Tip Mistress’ favourite football phenomenon – the JU-JU. Killing the opposition with kindness. It certainly worked on the Bombers, despite Hird’s assurances. The game's gone all offensive.

UNPREDICTABILITY
Teams are looking for a sly way in. Richmond’s medicos took Jack Riewoldt down the rooms in the first five minutes of last Friday night’s match and worsened any head injury he had suffered, ensuring he would wear the red vest for the remainder of the night. Richmond had ten goal kickers. Collingwood is averaging 12 goal kickers a game. Major injuries to Mark LeCras, Lenny Hayes and Jonathan Brown are all suspect. Jude Bolton, the veteran hospital on-baller, is the leading goal scorer for the Swans.

The CHAOS BALL
… formerly known as the loose ball.

The DRAW
It has been 100 years since the game had a draw in Round 1 and Round 2.

Mick Malthouse doesn't believe ‘anyone's over the rusty part of the year’ after two rounds. I suspect he’s right. I’m certainly only warming up. It won’t be until three rounds in that we can iron out the anomalies. One good one, one bad one, what will the third be? One draw, one close one, can we get a rout? Dream team prices go up or down after week 3. Fits and starts are over.

Happy tipping!


Bits 'N' Bobs
My video of the week.
My written word of the week.
My favourite, Bob Murphy, is back.

QUOTES of the Week (2)

‘It doesn’t look very good at all. We will assess and really responsibly inform the market as soon as we can. There’s nothing to hide here.’
St Kilda coach ROSS LYON on Lenny Hayes’ knee injury. Are we the market??

'You tear it or you don’t tear it. It’s as simple as that.’
BRENDON GODDARD on Lenny Hayes’ knee injury.

'It sort of came back behind me and I wasn't expecting it I suppose, because normally it just bounces straight on. But the bounce of the ball goes every way. It's an oval ball, so you can't really predict where it's going to bounce. That's just the game of football and unfortunately it did bounce the wrong way.’
BRENT STANTON on the bounce that kept the Swans alive.

‘We trust these guys to be 24-hours-a-day footballers.’
JARRAD McVEIGH on what it means to be a Blood.

'We had a fairly spirited meeting on Monday with the players and they showed a fair bit of passion and discussion, which was great.'
RODNEY EADE. I tried to show discussion at uni this week.

‘A routine is not a routine if you have to think about it.’
DENNIS COMETTI on Nick Riewoldt's difficulties with shooting for goal.

‘They’re old, they’re slow, they’re blind, they’re everything.’
SWANS SUPPORTER, Row L, Aisle 132, ANZ Stadium. That was before the big comeback.

'I've got to get back to basics, win my own football and take it from there.'
JARRAD HARBROW after the big loss to Carlton. He’s a week late, but he’s going back to basics.

and the piece de resistance ...

‘Rome wasn't built in a day and, as I said to Bluey (McKenna) on the Sunday, you've got to crawl before you walk. He understands that. The darkest time of night is just before dawn and he'll get them up and they will be a good football side.’
MICK MALTHOUSE on his phone call to Bluey post slaughter.

TIGER DIARY 8.4.2011

The Tiger in his skin.

There must be a word for when you become a consumer of your club's merch', no? Kate (the Tiger's understanding partner - ed) ordered it for me. So delightfully sad that this is the best we've got to shout about. It's got all the players' signatures, the score, the date - everything ... even the VFL logo.

The Diary

Weeks like this are like living in a moonstone - quite pretty, but hard to see where you're going.

Match day is a half moon waxing.

The tide is coming up.

A tiger in the pipeline with a clear view out the barrel?

A tiger in a runabout with a shattered windscreen, prawning?

* * *

One of the Tiger's cubs, George (a confirmed Swan) also sent me this alternate Richmond song during the week. After all his father has done for him ...

GETTING TO KNOW YOU > Part 2

Only one more game taker for this week's profiles ...

PATRICK

I tip ... because I have no choice. I'm looking for a twelve step program to release me from the pain. I find I get the itch every year around late February and then I'm Demetriou's bitch until the last Saturday... make that the first Saturday in October.

My team is ... so much better than those Pies. My team embraces life in all its complexity; none of the slick, flawless football the Pies produce week in week out.

If I were an AFL player, I would play ... like Paul Kelly.

My autobiography would be called ... What's the score? My life as a tipping addict.

If I could live in any city in the world ... Paris and I would be twenty again.

My dream job ... has an office by the sea.

If I'm about to watch the footy on TV, I ... am overcome with a certain contentment.

The first thing I'll do when I wake up tomorrow morning is ... check my dream team score... a new drug Demetriou has slipped me of late, infinitely more addictive than tipping.

If I were a colour, I'd ... change with the angle of the light.

If I were invited to perform at the AFL Grand Final pre-show entertainment, I would wonder if they had read my CV correctly. (and Travis would definitely perform in my GF pre-show gig.)

GETTING TO KNOW YOU > Part 1

a space for breathing

TRAVIS

I tip … as if it is a successful business. Except that my son, a lazy worker, is currently employed by me. He is crap at his job and costs me money. All my other employers think I should get rid of him, but I can't. I love him.

My team is … my lazy working son: Fremantle.

If I were an AFL player, I would play … on a back flank. I would learn my opponents names and call them out when they were in sticky situations, so that they might pass the ball to me before they realise ... it used to work in under 16's.

My autobiography would be called: More is more ... is more!

If I could live in any city in the world … I would currently live in Paris. Stones throw from Italy, and an inspiration to the senses.

My dream job … has deadlines.

If I'm about to watch the footy on TV, I ... remind myself not to drink too much. My knee-jerk reaction is to reach for the bottle when Freo are losing.

The first thing I'll do when I wake up tomorrow morning is … smile at my fiancee ... whilst secretly thinking of the entire Collingwood team being involved in an horrific bus crash. With flames. Lotsa flames.

If I were a colour, I'd be … prejudice against other colours.

If I were invited to perform at the AFL Grand Final pre-show entertainment, I would … ask Patrick Nolan to direct it.


OMAR

I tip ... the Swans every week.

My team is ... the Swans.

If I were an AFL player, I would play ... well. (I do because I do play AFL)

My autobiography would be called ... Omar’s Life.

If I could live in any city in the world ...the city would be fun.

My dream job ... is play.

If I'm about to watch the footy on TV, I ... scream.

The first thing I'll do when I wake up tomorrow morning is ... yawn

If I were a colour, I'd be ...orange.

If I were invited to perform at the AFL Grand Final pre-show entertainment, I would ... be wild.


BERNIE

I tip … because I am….and I don’t think the locals in Melbourne will let me survive another winter without having a tipping comp.

My team is … Adelaide Crows, please refer to the above response, I plead for discretion.

If I were an AFL player, I would play … Wing, so I could at least run for my life!

My autobiography would be called … How many flights does it take to light a globe?

If I could live in any city in the world ... Melbourne! Sorry Sydney it’s really growing on me, I know she’s not a flashy as you but the rumours about her coffee are true….

My dream job …actually living the dream baby, lighting designer.

If I'm about to watch the footy on TV, I ...warm up the pies chill the beers.

The first thing I'll do when I wake up tomorrow morning is ... have a coffee – go to the Richmond markets.

If I were a colour, I'd be ... A generally misunderstood shade of architectural green grey that was popular around 2008/09 and is now living in the hope of a comeback.

If I were invited to perform at the AFL Grand Final pre-show entertainment, I would ... have to rely on my natural good looks. Oh Shit.


LUCINDA

I tip … like I play scrabble. All passion no tactics.

My team is … dominating.

If I were an AFL player, I would play … hard ball get (I don't know what that means but I love the expression).

My autobiography would be called … A Dog for all Seasons

If I could live in any city in the world … for a couple of months next year, maybe go back to Chennai for a bit.

My dream job is … maybe the job I do in my dreams but I don't dream about work :)

If I'm about to watch the footy on TV, I … get a bowl of pasta and pour a glass of wine.

The first thing I'll do when I wake up tomorrow morning is … yoga.

If I were a colour, I'd be … green! or yellow.

If I were invited to perform at the AFL Grand Final pre-show entertainment, I would … raise the bar. Somehow.


MATHILDE

I tip … pretty poorly considering how much I love and watch the game.

My team is ... the rock of my winters.

If I were an AFL player, I would play ... tight. I’d want to be tagging those bodies, wouldn’t I?

My autobiography would be called ... The World of Mum (Omar’s suggestion) My Life in Lists (my suggestion)

If I could live in any city in the world, I … wouldn’t wake up so often at 3am and wonder why I still live in Sydney.

My dream job ... involves a lot of paid thinking time.

If I'm about to watch the footy on TV, I … must be dreaming. I live in NSW for God’s sake.

The first thing I'll do when I wake up tomorrow morning is … wish that I could lie in bed all day and read rather than get the Cygnet to Auskick by 7.45. 7.45 punters!! For the love of the game.

If I were a colour, I'd be ... a dark, steely blue.

If I were invited to perform at the AFL Grand Final pre-show entertainment, I would … say no (and refer them to Lucie).

QUOTES of the Week

‘Nine times out of ten he delivers every time.’
Blues coach BRETT RATTEN on Chris Judd.

'We need our midfield to generate some ball. If those guys get up and going and the ball gets going in our direction it solves a lot of our problems.'
Tigers coach DAMIEN HARDWICK getting back to basics for Round 2 v Saints.

‘It's got to be in your memory. A lot of effort had gone under the bridge throughout the season to get to that point and we would have liked to have put up a better performance than what we did. It shouldn't be a talking point, it just should be there in bed.’
Coach MARK HARVEY on the Dockers’ finals loss to Geelong. Think he might be mixing his sayings.

‘The good news is he (the surgeon) tells me my face will be stronger now than it was.’
Brisbane forward JONATHAN BROWN.

BULLETIN > Week 2

The new Australian cricket captain, Michael Clarke, is going back to basics. Batting, bowling and fielding.

It’s always reassuring to hear an elite sportsperson articulate his or her core business. It’s easy to get caught up on the periphery of sport – stuck in the heavy traffic of reportage – the ins and outs, the head games, the head knocks, the nightclubs, the broken relationships between clubs and their lost stars. But it does one good (occasionally) to reconsider the fundamentals of the sport we become so absorbed in.

When a young cub signs up for Auskick, the three things the coach emphasises are kicking, handballing and … having fun. Not sure if the senior coaches would frame it quite the same way. Possibly, the basics of AFL cannot be refined to a simple holy triptych? For, what do you do with marking and tackling and blocking and what about forward pressure and bouncing and zoning and the hallowed one percenters like spoiling? Different players obviously have different basics. In his confessional for the Herald Sun today, Gary Ablett revealed that he hasn’t moved on that much since his Auskick days; enjoyment is the most important thing for Gaz. Lucky he’s up there in Queensland now with the sand and the sea and the sun and the meter maids.

But there’s one important basic that hasn’t been mentioned. Before the first bounce, Blood #5, Ryan O’Keefe, titillated Swans supporters with a tit bit almost as inspiring as Captain Clarke’s:

‘Footy’s still pretty basic - you’ve got to get the ball, then kick it through the goals.’

Yep, Ryan, it’s true. And obviously Round 1 is still, for all intents, a kind of jumping off the block; the season is a marathon, remember. So no need to panic that Sydney kicked 11.18 for the match against Melbourne and only managed to tie that match precisely because Ryan O’Keefe kicked … a behind. Goals, Ryan, goals. Back to basics.

I love goals. I also love to see five-bounce runs from half back full-stopped by a superb kick onto the chest of a man parked in the goal square. I love to see an inside midfielder swoop on a clearance and get the ball inside 50 in one kick. I love to see a full bodied defensive punch. I love to see any mark by Liam Jurrah or Jack Riewoldt, or even cousin Nick, for that matter, especially when he reaches between 6 arms to pluck it. But a superb mark or a dashing run does not guarantee that other great footy basic scoreboard pressure. I suspect we love goals more than anything else, because it means winning. Simple.

For the lover, the watcher, of footy, there is a simple collection of basics: Look, listen, learn. Particularly difficult to do in NSW. I armed myself on Friday night last with a series of small domestic tasks, a glass of wine and my beloved Friday night team on ABC radio – Gerard Whateley, David Parkin and the increasingly misanthropic Peter Schwab. There you have it, a nice trio of basics: Whateley (getting fluffier) Schwabby (getting darker) Parkin (the ever consistent meat between the two).

Ten minutes into the commentary, the fervour of the first quarter of Friday night footy 2011 died. The tones became sombre, and then someone was asking the nays to move to the left of the chamber. God, they’d interrupted the coverage for the announcement of a double dissolution. I waited. Something about something and something – the basics of running the country no doubt. I assumed the ABC would rectify the situation. Ten minutes later I returned from putting away folded washing. Still going. I tried to stream online but the AFL have made their new website so complicated that it moves as fast as Plugger off the mark. No luck there. So I called the ABC to find out what had happened.

‘Oh yes,’ said the tired but friendly voice at the other end. ‘The politicians own that channel so if they want to stay and talk all night, and decide to put themselves back on, then that’s what we’re stuck with until they decide to go home.’ Ah, New South Wales. (This was a day before Bazza. Don’t worry, we’re going back to basics now.)

It took me until 9.28 to find an alternative avenue into live streaming. And when normal coverage resumed, Peter Schwab was yawning, Saints Sub Brett Peake was frustrated, Adam White was discussing the gingerbread cake supplied by the MCG and the ground photographers were calling it the worst game of football they’d ever seen. Why? Because, by the end of the third quarter, the Cats had kicked 4.10 and the Saints were on 4.11. get the ball, then kick it through the goals.

At this point, the ABC crossed live to Moonee Valley where a horse called Black Caviar – ‘The Black Flash’ they call her – was attempting to win her 11th straight start on Metropolitan tracks. Jockey Luke Nolen urged her to the finish line, all the way to the title of undisputed Champion sprinter of the World. Run, run, get to the post first. And when the coverage crossed back to the MCG, another champion was finally finding his post. Jimmy Bartel kicked true from the boundary to put the Cats in front.

Pup’s announcement this week could be the kick-start many of us need to reinvigorate small slack corners of our own lives. Tipsters need basics. Which ones do you use? Injuries, match ups, ground. Or are you more of a Team, form, history kind of tipster?

And what about life?
Wake, eat, sleep?

Parenthood?
Cajole, inspire, bribe.
Motivate, encourage, yell.
Feed, wash, bed.

And writing?
Clean desk, make tea, organise pencils.
Washing up, vacuuming, oops too late.
Word, sentence, delete.

Whatever your core business, there’s a round of footy beginning now. The politicians have gone home. Whateley, Parkin and Schwab in place. Riewoldt, J is already concussed. Concussion, rooms, play.

Happy tipping!


PS.

Or if the basics just aren’t you … you might like to check this out.
Practice, Time, Power.

PPS.

Lucinda of ‘What Dog is that Coach’ fame is working on the next Coach/Dog. In the meantime, she recommends this.

TIGER DIARY 31.3.2011

Oh look - glory days are here!

Very little on the Tigerland website about a team that lost its third (at least) season opener on the trot v. mortal enemy #2.

Oh no!

But feast your eyes on this outstanding fact presented and dissected in detail:

9 goals - Jack Titus v North Melbourne, Round 1, 1938 at Punt Road
8 goals - Jack Titus v Melbourne, Round 1, 1934 at Punt Road8 goals - Brian Taylor v Fitzroy, 1982 at Waverley Park*
8 goals - Matthew Richardson v Footscray, Round 1, 1994 at Western Oval
7 goals - Michael Roach v Essendon, Round 1, 1985 at Windy Hill
7 goals - David Cloke v Carlton, Round 1, 1978 at MCG
7 goals - Allan Edwards v Carlton, Round 1, 1978 at MCG
7 goals - Bob Dummett v North Melbourne, Round 1, 1957 at Punt Road
7 goals - Ken Albiston v Footscray, Round 1, 1949 at Punt Road
7 goals - George Bayliss v Collingwood, Round 1, 1922 at Punt Road

6 goals - Jack Riewoldt v Carlton, Round 1, 2011 at MCG

6 goals - Matthew Richardson v Collingwood, Round 1, 2002 at MCG
6 goals - Matthew Richardson v Essendon, Round 1, 1996 at MCG
6 goals - Jeff Hogg v Melbourne, Round 1, 1988 at MCG
6 goals - Michael Roach v Melbourne, Round 1, 1986 at MCG
6 goals - Brian Taylor v Carlton, Round 1, 1983 at Princes Park
6 goals - Royce Hart v Essendon, Round 1, 1973 at Windy Hill
6 goals - Michael Roach v Carlton, Round 1, 1981 at Waverley Park
6 goals - Eric Moore v Fitzroy, Round 1, 1970 at the MCG
6 goals - Jack Dyer v South Melbourne, Round 1, 1948 at Lake Oval
6 goals - Dick Harris v Melbourne, Round 1, 1939 at MCG
6 goals - Jack Titus v St Kilda, Round 1, 1936 at Punt Road
6 goals - Jack Titus v Footscray, Round 1, 1935 at Western Oval

Yep - a tisket, a tasket.
Riewoldt kicked the eleventh highest number of goals EVER for Richmond in Rd 1.
Tigerland is once again placing all it's eggs in one yellow and black basket.
Richo has handed it over to Jack who, no matter what, saved the world and staked an early mortgage on the Brownlow in Round 1.
Marvelous.
We Lost, but it's gunna be a season to remember. OH YEAH.













Round 2 offers a 22 made up of players having 16 different letters for surname initials.
Only I, L, P, Q, S, T, U, X, Y, Z not represented.
THIS IS THE IMPORTANT STUFF.
READ IT AND WEEP EVERYBODY.
The Tiger is Stirring.......more sugar into it's teabag tea methinks.