BULLETIN - POST ROUND 7

The concurrence of Mother’s Day and some significant OUTS last week got me thinking about my place in the team.

I have never been much into Mother’s Day. I’m into mothers, but I’m not sure about allocating them one day a year for recognition of all the unscheduled, uncontracted, unpaid and non-negotiable hours of mind-numbingly difficult work. And I’m into days … although I actually prefer nights. But, this Mother’s Day combination got me thinking about the perfect gift.

Sunday cuddles, flowers, chocolates, breakfasts in bed, afternoon tea cakes … look, they’re all nice. But tell me a mother around the nation who wouldn’t prefer to receive the embossed card, in pastel hues, which reads:

‘You’re dropped.’

Not in the adolescent sense of the word, in the footy sense of the word.

I have been trying, on and off, for the best part of five years, to get myself momentarily but meaningfully dropped from my team. Playing in the centre is taxing. I’ve tried a number of different paths: sub par performances, sloppy skills, off-target delivery, inconsistency, a vehement defiance of the team ethic, long recovery times, a bad attitude to training … carrying a pot belly.

Despite some remarkably poor on and off-field incidents, I have been unable to get myself a team imposed suspension or an appointment with the tribunal. I wouldn’t mind a Tuesday night in Melbourne, in a decent frock, down at Docklands. I could head off for a nice glass of Cabernet Merlot after accepting my two week ban.

But it’s not me who’s off to Melbourne tonight. Oh no. Despite having a beastly head cold and persistent cough - de Hauteclocque (virus) – it is the tall, very mobile, centre half forward who is headed for the southern city, leaving me with the little tagger to myself until Sunday. Through the years, there have been other injuries: de Hauteclocque (back); de Hauteclocque (general soreness); de Hauteclocque (fed up). But I’ve still not seen my name in the OUTS. I have even considered worse (self inflicted?) injuries for my week off, coveting as I do a trip to Germany to visit my sister. Although, there are probably better ways to get there than radical hamstring treatments or hernia operations.

My team doesn’t take the Matthew Knights or John Worsfold approach with me – give ‘em a couple of weeks in the seconds, break the cycle, build their confidence, bring ‘em back for maximum impact. No. My team takes the James Hird approach to flatness – just keep playing ‘em. Hird suggested, during the early part of last week, that out-of-form forward, Scott Lucas, could ‘turn it around’ while continuing to play: ‘You can have a bad six weeks and turn it around. Just because you're 31 years old doesn't mean you're finished.’ Lucas may be the sort of guy who doesn’t handle rotation well. But I could be the kind of girl who does.

A rotation through Bendigo could be good. It could be very re-invigorating. I could do the deep-shaft mine experience at Central Deborah nearby (although I suspect, when they saw the words deep and shaft side by side, the Herald Sun would be all over that!!). I could enjoy the city’s famous vintage talking tram tour, have a spell in an original 1860’s Chinese joss house or sip a long black in the award-winning, architecturally designed Bendigo Art Gallery café.

Eagle, Ashley Hansen, was dropped to the reserves this week too. ‘He'll get some good form under his belt and be back in the side sooner rather than later,’ said the club. I too would be motivated by a weekend with Swan Districts versus East Perth at Steel Blue Oval, Bassendean. Swans are my kind of bird, steel blue one of my favourite colours.

I’m not alone in this. Even great Hawthorn back pocketeer, four time Premiership coach and current ABC commentator, David Parkin, was looking for a way out last weekend. He put his career on the line before Friday night’s coverage, saying he would retire if the Bombers won. He too was last seen near Bendigo.

What about my team? How would they cope with my absence? I have faith that the Nolan boys could do it without me – the weekend that is, not the future (I’m not seeking a trade, just a wee stint on the sidelines). The Bombers won. The Eagles won. My individual talents are not unsurpassable. It’d be more a question of team structure.

They’d be fine around the stoppages, in the clinches, with the contested ball. They’d make some solid forward thrusts, execute some good goal assist-goal set plays. The area for concern would be the loose ball gets – I’m not sure either of the Nolan boys could find anything once it’s two feet further than their noses. This may make them vulnerable to turnovers. But at least the little one has genuine pace to chase it on the rebound. They would miss my clearances, my carrying skills, and they’d miss my ability to ice the cake towards the end.

That said, no player is indispensable, irreplaceable. Look at the calibre of the INs from last weekend: IN Ling - the fiercest tagger in the business. IN Cousins - the on-baller who goes until he vomits. Who knows what might happen to the Nolan boys, if they had to cover my territory. You know what they say … about opportunity. When they looked at Paddy Ryder’s tapes on Monday morning, do you think the Essendon coaching staff were devastated that David Hille went down for the season?

I suspect any ‘dropping’ I am going to achieve will have to be self imposed, because my team operates a bit like Terry Wallace. They regularly threaten to release me, but it’s usually promises, promises. Terry, at least, should live up to that nickname – Plough – and do something about breaking up the clods in his field of Tigers.

And while Terry and his Tigers flounder, almost-in-the-same-boat Mark Harvey, has pulled up the anchor and got his boys sailing instead. Nobody got a week off. Nobody got relegated. Nobody got given time to freshen up physically or mentally. Nobody had the cycle broken for them. Harvey revealed that the surfing movie - Bustin’ down the Door - was the inspiration behind the Dockers' win over Carlton. Do you think Blockbuster Bendigo carries that title?

In any case, Mother’s Day is over for another year. I’ve got 362 more days of the game plan to execute. If any of you have any ideas for some good motivational viewing please hit the COMMENTS button below. And shortly before the second Sunday in May 2010, I will be posting a custom-designed, downloadable template of the ‘You’re dropped’ card on the web. I will be encouraging my team to print it. And you’re welcome to do the same for your mum.

Happy Tipping!